Patrick Wensink

My grandpa is no longer with us. I'd like to nominate Harry Crews for the job, based on his voice alone. And, also, that he's a great writer.

July 21, 2010

In honor of Sex Dungeon for Sale!: THE MOVIE, our friends at the Next Best Book are having a contest. Winner gets an autographed copy of the book and some other funky prizes. 

Learn about it all here.

July 12, 2010

It's finally finished. One great leap for the film industry.

Eat your heart out, Burt Reynolds. 

July 8, 2010

UPDATE: Just received word that the finishing touches are being put on Sex Dungeon for Sale!: The Movie. Expect enlightenment in a few weeks. 

June 24, 2010

If you have some weird fascination with all things Wentastic, you are in luck. There is now an interviews and Reviews catalog on the ol Fiction page. Enjoy. 

Also, it's really important to know how to throw a knife.

June 9, 2010

PANK, if you didn't already know, is one of the best lit zines going. They also have peerless taste in book reviews, namely...mine. 

Check out their review here or below. 

Patrick Wensink’s story collection Sex Dungeon for Sale came out last year from Eraserhead Press’s New Bizarro Author Series, or NBAS.

The philosophy of the NBAS is interesting. Normally, the editor’s foreword states, Eraserhead would only have room for one or two books by first-time authors every year. By publishing the NBAS in addition to their normal schedule, they make a little extra room for the all-important fresh blood. There is a catch, however. If not ‘enough’ copies of the book are sold in its first year, Eraserhead will not publish another book by this author. They do not define what is considered ‘enough’.

The title of the book is slightly misleading (the author even apologizes for it – to his mother – in his dedication) since the small amount of smut in this book is entirely functional. The title story concerns a real estate agent  showing a couple around a house. Nothing special. But in Wensink’s world ‘nothing special’ always turns  ‘mucho weirdo’ before the story is over; sometimes with a bizarre, unexpected twist at the end and sometimes, as in this story, line by line. I won’t give away the surprise ending, but it does feature a strange noise just audible behind the soundproof paneling in the basement.

Wensink’s choice of subjects and narrative techniques is eclectic. Some characters are firmly in the bizarro realm: a family man who turns out to be a suicide bomber, a toddler who thinks he’s a Frenchman, pharmaceutical sales personnel spreading diseases to boost their commissions, and murderous dishwashers. Others are more in the realm of general fiction, such as ‘Clean Bill of Health’ where, due to an administrative mess-up at the hospital, the protagonist believes he has only six months to live.

Many of the stories in Sex Dungeon for Sale feature unconvential narrative forms – a riddle, a series of emails, an auction catalog and a self-help book for kidnappers. The stories with a more conventional narrative often contain fast changes of perspective that keep you on your toes as you try to figure out what the hell is going on and brace for a final, ultra-weird twist in the plot.

The best one by far, I think, is ‘Wash, Rinse, Repeat’, a story about two rivaling murderous-dishwasher-producing families. Wensink’s protagonist is a likable anti-hero, a journalist who looks quite a bit like Wensink himself and can’t choose between being a cynic and doing the right thing. As one of the longer stories, it allows a little more room for plot and character development.

Despite being a bit all over the place stylistically, Sex Dungeon for Sale is a fun read. Wensink is a talented writer who can produce original plots and deliver them, in most cases, in an engaging story. And Eraserhead Press is right: the only way to support new writers is to actually buy their stuff.

–

P. Jonas Bekker is a writer and a poet from the Netherlands. He is still wondering whether he should start a blog.

June 2, 2010

Canadian super lit zine, Metazen, recently threw a Wensink Party. Those from the Great White North not only ran an exclusive excerpt from "Sex Dungeon for Sale!" but conducted a nice interview with me for their blog.

Here's a taste:

Metazen: There is a “famous” photo of you holding a teal typewriter. Is that real or prop? What about the goatee? 

Patrick: That’s a real typewriter. I love it. I’ve actually used it for writing, but nothing from Sex Dungeon for Sale!. A typewriter makes it harder to fix mistakes, so I take more time with each word, as opposed to using a computer. The goatee is actually a spotty beard I’ve been growing for many years. I have a baby face and can’t grow the cool Kenny Rogers beard I want.

June 1, 2010

Some guy in a white shirt and black backpack came to my door and gave me this. 

Weird, huh?

May 18, 2010

The Late Seating, Louisville's only after-hours variety show, has asked me to be a part of the madness and read from "Sex Dungeon for Sale!". 

This is a live, old-time entertainment extravaganza with a music, comedy, a "radio" play and usually something literary. That something being me this time around.

It should be happening in the next few months. In the meantime, stay tuned.

May 15, 2010

One of my favorite authors, James Greer, just put out another winner.

The Failure is an crime novel about a crime gone horribly wrong. Two guys try to rob a check cashing joint to fund their million-dollar internet ad scheme. The results entangle comas, a mountain lion mauling, drugs and a man named Sven who proudly proclaims himself the villain of the story. Artistically graceful, touching and, best of all, funny--this has been my favorite read of the year, thus far.

James has also said some nice things about "Sex Dungeon for Sale!" in the past (See sidebar for details).

May 14, 2010

The2ndHand, an awesome literary magazine, recently ran an essay about my time as a BBQ Sauce Salesman. 

Learn all about the adventures of Wentastic BBQ Sauce here. 

May 10, 2010

Literary super blog  HTMLGIANT ran an excellent interview with me today. Here's a taste: 

Your work has been characterized as “darkly absurdist.” Is that accurate? What does it mean for writing to be absurdist or bizarro? Can those terms be used interchangeably?

I’ve been called much worse, that’s for sure. I use a lot of sarcasm and satire and dark humor in my writing and people draw their own conclusions. I’ll take whatever you want to call me, especially “Shakespearian”. I think if people started calling my work Shakespearian, my parents wouldn’t be so embarrassed about the book’s title.

This interview is Burt Reynolds approved. 

April 28, 2010

That's right, it's been in the works for a while now, but filmmakers Hank Rothrock and Bradley Buehring will begin shooting this weekend on a film adaptation of my story. 

This is going to make Citizen Cane look like Sister Act II!

April 13, 2010

Louisville's LEO Weekly recently interviewed me. This story includes a ridiculous closeup of my size XL nose and me starting a literary feud with Plato. Good reading all around. 

April 6, 2010

March sucks.

It’s still cold and usually rainy, but nature teases everyone with a few nice days just before the sky turns to crap again. In order to fight the not-quite-yet-Spring blues, Patrick Wensink is having a mighty fun giveaway.

Buy a copy of “Sex Dungeon for Sale!” now until April 1 and receive an autographed, customized bookplate (a sticker for the inside cover of a book)  and a “Sex Dungeon for Sale!” coloring book. FREE!

That’s right, Patrick will autograph the plate and include anything you ask.

Want a poem about your flan-baking skills? Done. Want a picture of a skeleton eating pizza and dreaming about Elvis? Done. The sky is the limit and some might even include glitter!

Simply email patrickwensink@gmail.com and tell us what you want your bookplate to look like and where you live. We’ll hit you back with our super-simple proof of purchase question.

So, give March the middle finger by cheering up your world with a customized “Sex Dungeon for Sale!” bookplate.

*Special bonus: Send a knock-knock joke with your bookplate info and the funniest one gets a ridiculously awesome Fonzie Prize Pack.

March 23, 2010

I will be doing a reading with the lovely Anderson Prunty in March.

Night and Day Cafe

Dayton, OH

March 19

7PM

Free Sex Dungeon for Sale! Coloring Books

(This message has been approved by Sting and a Rubber Duckie)

March 2, 2010

From MirrorDance:

Sex Dungeon for Sale! by Patrick Wensink
reviewed by M. Arkenberg 

Patrick Wensink’s first short story collection will go down in history as the book that made me love Bizarro. 

This stories are page-turners; short, witty, unapologetically entertaining. But don’t mistake them for light reading. Wensink uses bizarre, often ridiculous situations to make us step back, look at our world and see the things we have allowed to become bizarre and ridiculous.

Take one of the first stories in this collection, the one that told me in no uncertain terms: You, madam, are going to love this book.. “My Son Thinks He’s French” follows the unfortunate father of a six-year-old Francophile. This little boy wears a beret, eats Nutella, and quotes extensive passages of Jean-Paul Sartre. But the larger issue, it soon becomes apparent, is the narrator’s distance from his family.

But the more I think about it, who is the boy I’ve always loved? What did he look like as an infant? I don’t remember him toddling around, learning to walk. No idea what his first words in English were. Couldn’t even tell you if he prefers hotdogs of hamburgers, though I suspect frog legs edge out both.

The ending is the funniest punch in the gut you’ll ever receive.

My favorite story in this collection, however, has to be “Jesus Toast.” As the title suggests, this story centers on pareidolia; the main character has the ability to see everything from Italy in clouds to the Shroud of Turin in a coffee stain, and her boyfriend Claude is able to turn her visions into cash. But ever since her sister’s wedding, her visions have been less of religious figures and more of ex-boyfriends.

Claude said he’s not the jealous type, but I don’t buy it. My man stopped holding the door open for me, rubbing my feet and spilling red wine all over perfectly good couch cushions after we inspected the Immaculate Rust Stain. He wanted the Virgin Mary…not “Marty: The Guy Who Took My Virginity” (1983).

Like all the stories in this collection, “Jesus Toast” combines strong characterization, biting wit and a real mystery. It manages to be surreal without being so strange that it fails to resonate. 

Also, it’s really really really hilarious. 

For more about Patrick Wensink, see his website. Sex Dungeon for Sale! may be purchased at Amazon.com.

March 1, 2010

Apparently, Central State University offered Mike Tyson an honorary doctorate degree in the 80s.

During his commencement speech he said: “I wasn’t sure what kind of doctor I was, but looking at all the lovely sisters here, I think I’ll be a doctor of gynecology.”

February 12, 2010

Louisville's fine Alternative Weekly newspaper, the LEO, conducted an interview with me today. Keep an eye peeled, it should be published in a few weeks.

At one point during the interview I think I called Plato a dick. I'm sure that'll look great in print. My mom will be so proud.

February 4, 2010

My pal Lance Carbuncle recently published his second novel, "Grundish and Askew" and it's a great read. If you are looking for a book full of lewd hilarity, take some motion sickness pills and check it out.

I read this on a plane and was concerned about getting sent to a windowless room if the TSA confiscated this book. It was just that sick and excellent!

Discover what Dr. Lance has to offer here.

January 25, 2010

Congratulations to Kate from Chicago. Winner of the Sex Dungeon for Sale! coloring contest and the autographed books.

Kate went old-school and stayed mostly between the lines with a lovely red and blue marker motif. She fended off some great competition and won the contest with an impressive 32% of the vote.

The other Kate, Kate from Bowie, MD, finished second with 19% of the vote. Third place was a tie between Richard and Jennifer with 16% each.

Congratulations, also, to Brian Kopala who answered the question: How much would I pay for a sex dungeon for sale? with "I would have to say roughly half of everything I own once my wife found out." That made me laugh pretty hard. You win the collection of 1950s paperbacks.

Thank you to all the contestants and voters for making this such a fun contest.

Also, don't forget Sex Dungeon for Sale! makes a great stocking stuffer for grandmothers and impressionable children.

December 18, 2009

Due to an overwhelmingly awesome response, Patrick couldn’t choose just one picture to be his favorite. So, he narrowed the entries down to a Top 13 List.

Who should be the winner? Send in your vote to patrickwensink@gmail.com by December 17. Winner will be announced here on December 18.

*Added bonus prize: The voter who answers this question will receive a stack of 1950s pulp novels from Patrick’s personal collection.

QUESTION: How much would you pay for a sex dungeon for sale? 

Happy voting!

Contestant #1 . Ryan from Ashburn, VA.

Contestant #2. Richard from Chattanooga, TN.

Contestant #3. Nihil from Antarctica.

Contestant #4. Loran from Pittsburgh, PA.

Contestant #5. Kate from Bowie, MD.

Contestant #6. Jennifer from Merrill, WI.

Contestant #7. George from Bayside, NY.

Contestant #8. Jake from Secane, PA.

Contestant #9. Shane from Secane, PA.

Contestant #10. Christy from Manteca, CA.

Contestant #11. Andy from Morgantown, WV.

Contestant #12. Kate from Chicago, IL.

Contestant #13. Elle from Houston, TX.

December 15, 2009

Do you enjoy free stuff? Are you handy with crayons? What is your opinion of Sex Dungeons on the real estate market?

If you answered, “Yes,” “Yes,” and “Surprisingly favorable,” does Patrick Wensink have a contest for you.

To celebrate the release of his new book, Sex Dungeon for Sale!, he had a series of illustrations created based on some of these comedic stories, including a Kindergartener who thinks he’s French, a puddle of ketchup shaped like Elvis and something called, Chicken Soup for the Kidnapper’s Soul. [Curious? Read a sample from the book.]

While the coloring contest alone sounded like fun, Wensink wasn’t satisfied. He decided to raise the stakes by offering the winner an autographed stack of his favorite books from 2009.

Now it’s up to you to color your little heart out. Here’s how to play:

1. Check out these excellent scenes from the book below.
2. Print off your favorite. [it doesn’t matter which you choose]
3. Color that baby in. [You are also allowed to digitally color it in, if you like]
4. Scan it [or not if you digitally colored the pic] and send it to patrickwensink@gmail.com with your name, address and phone number. [No entries will be accepted after December 14.]
5. Wait patiently for December 18, when the winner will be announced right here.
6. Sniff your new autographed books, winner. It’s a scientific fact that signed novels smell better than normal ones. Look it up!

The Winner will receive:

Fool- By Christopher Moore (Autographed)

Tales Designed to Thrizzle – by Michael Kupperman (Autographed)

AM/PM – By Amelia Gray (Autographed)

Help! A Bear is Eating Me! – By Mykle Hansen (Autographed)

First and second runner up will also receive a special mystery prize pack from Patrick.

++The contest is open to all ages and global locations. However, astronauts are not eligible to win. Seriously, you guys get to float around in space, give us Earth-dwelling folks a little bit of fun. ++

My Son Thinks He’s French

Download Me! (Just Click "Print" you don't have to sign up and download)

Jesus Toast

Download Me! (Just Click "Print" you don't have to sign up and download)

Chicken Soup for the Kidnapper’s Soul

Download Me! (Just Click "Print" you don't have to sign up and download)

Thanks for playing! Good luck, artist!

While you’re here, learn more about Sex Dungeon for Sale!. The holiday season is coming up and it makes a great stocking stuffer for grandmas and impressionable children. [But definitely NOT astronauts]

November 28, 2009

Thanks again to all the participants in last week's Facebook Imaginary Movie Challenge. The Question: 

What happens when a hungry tiger on the run from the FBI meets a butcher shop owner looking for a new pet? Find out in this fall's heartwarming tale of cold cuts and claws: [INSERT MOVIE TITLE]!

My personal favorites include:

"Runaway Pride" by Joey Hodson

"Crouching Tiger Hidden Pastrami" by Michael Webber

"Seigfried and Raw" by Jenn Wensink [full disclosure, that's my sister]

November 20, 2009

Thanks to everyone who contributed to my Facebook question: 

Help me name this Non-Existent movie— She was a vibrant lawyer taking a self-defense class. He was a single dad working as the attacker in women’s self-defense courses. Their romance began when her knee met his groin. Don’t miss this season’s romantic smash hit: (Insert Title Here)

Some of my favorite answers were-

"Groin Pains" by Terri Plewa

"Private Defender" by Mykle Hansen

"Pro Boner" by Kyle Pullem

join the fun

November 12, 2009

Not only is ZomBicurious the best blog name ever, but they also wrote a great review of the book.

They had this to say about "Sex Dungeon for Sale!":

"I blew Coke (not coke) out of my nose reading 'Sex Dungeon for Sale"'

"If you like humor, dark humor, and savvy wit, pick up a copy of this book."

"...get a copy, keep it in the bathroom, and chuckle your ass off!"

Check out the full review HERE.

October 15, 2009

The great site the Fanzine wrote a fantastic review of "Sex Dungeon for Sale!". Coincidentally, the book is for sale now on Amazon. What a fantastic coincidence.

"This came in the mail - Patrick Wensink's collection of short stories Sex Dungeon for Sale! is one of those rare gifts we (or rather, I) get every now and again. Wensink's title story concerns a quick-lipped real estate agent selling unusual real estate with specialized features. His stories are darkly humorous, peppered with pop culture references for people who were children in the '90s watching MTV after school. In fact, I think all of these stories have a special affinity for people who watched MTV after school in the 90s. That and maybe stoned old episodes of Saved by the Bell and Alf. And they actually love you back, with stories of killer home appliances, new occupations for Broadway dance choreographers, cures for a kidnapper's ennui, recurrent death-humor, and a suddenly Francophile son. Oui oui, indeed. Sex Dungeon for Sale comes out early October." -Michael Louie

October 12, 2009

The Membership cards are in. Be the first kid on your block to join the club and get Wentastic freebees.

Send your name and address to patrickwensink@gmail.com

August 11, 2009

The fine people at Selfish Kitty Greeting Cards purchased a card idea from me. It is now in print and not to be missed. Their site has a link to all the stores that sell the cards, so run out and buy one. Or at least take a picture for me, because the store in Louisville that sells this brand doesn't carry mine.

I've attached a picture of my bouncing baby anniversary card for you to enjoy. http://www.calypsocards.com/expanded-view/selfish/SKE543.htm

July 13, 2009