Candy Safety
Your safety is everyone's business but your own. In America we are allowed to let our common sense take a nap and have Big Brother do all the hard work.
Before, say, 1970, we were left to fend for ourselves, chain smoking Marlboros because there were ads on television led us to believe they made you thinner. I assume at this time coal mines and steel mills were also presented as health spas.
Of course, somewhere down the line it became known that, yes indeed, ingesting smoke might be harmful to your body. So, of course, after some delay the government decided to do our logical thinking for us and put a warning label on every pack of smokes.
Somewhere around the same time, some pencil-necked accountant in Washington started noticing something strange happening at construction sites. There were a lot more heavy-machinery related accidents near breweries and whiskey distilleries throughout our wonderful land. So finally it comes to light that alcohol impairs your ability to operate machinery. Apparently, most cement truck bloopers and back-hoe mishaps can be avoided if the room isn't spinning while you're behind the controls.
So, of course, our wise friends in DC decide it's high-time we warn our citizens of this phenomenon. Before you knew it, every bottle of booze, can of beer and box of wine was slapped with a highly informative label letting us know the dangers of drinking and doing pretty much anything productive. The common sense part of millions of brains across America breathed a sigh of relief, their lives just got easier.
Flash forward to this morning at my desk. The next logical step in human safety.
It's been a long week and I decided to reward myself with a Payday candy bar. I’m ready for peanuts and nougat and lots of fun. But, when I peel open the wrapper my common sense rattles out of its coma.
In faint red type: Candy is a treat. Please enjoy in moderation.
Huh?
There is no room for subtlety in warning labels. My entire life, a little black and white sticker has told me when I'm about to consume DANGER. There are labels to warn parents that Guns and Roses albums might have questionable content. There are labels warning against sticking my fingers under a lawnmower blade. But what are my friends at Hershey trying to tell me?
Is it possible that eating chocolate and nougat and Carmel and peanuts can impare my ability to run a forklift? Should I not consume Kit-Kats while pregnant? Is crisp rice and chocolate as addictive as nicotine? Will eating half my day's saturated fats in one sugary lump cause obesity?
Black and white label, I wait for your answer.
